Blog Hop: Is Comparison the Thief of Joy?

Welcome to the Blog Hop “Comparison: Thief of Joy?” where bloggers from all over the world are invited to share their ideas about Theodore Roosevelt’s quote, “Comparison is the thief of joy.”  Corinne Rodrigues and Linda Lee have had a debate about comparison, now they have asked us to join the in the form of a blog hop. there will be links on their blogs: Corinne’s: http://everydaygyaan.com, and Linda Lee’s: http://www.dangerouslinda.com  Do you agree or disagree with Teddy’s POV?  Please share your unique perspective!

Teddy Roosevelt was right, wasn’t he? And it doesn’t matter. “Comparison is the thief of joy.” I could spend a good while trying to untangle the pathology of this piece of wisdom. But it is wisdom that floats without an anchor. Is it true? I guess it depends on how we define it.

Seat-of-the-pants definitions:

Definition #1: “Shut up and be happy.”It is easier to think of the ways in which the comparison axiom can be misused. I don’t think Teddy meant to say this, but some days, it seems like we are being asked, by too many, to just be satisfied with what we’ve got.

Definition #2: The grass is always greener on the other side. No matter what we have, what we pick or what we seek, there is always something else that we will want in its place. Things are always better somewhere else. What are we going to do about it? So, don’t waste time chasing all the next better things, because it is a never-ending circle, a tower of Babel that will never be finished.

Definition #3: Pick your joy! I think this is especially true with love—or it may be the same idea. I don’t want to find myself wishing for something else even after I have chosen something. It’s not an easy place in which to to put myself. Finding one’s joy is pretty big life work. Finding it in the love of our life, our children or our work: not easy. But it is what we have to do to really LOVE those things like they deserve.

It is really hard. It is real work. I think the most compelling discussions about finding joy are about finding life partners, or just people with whom we want to share intimate space. Intimacy. It needs the joy. It needs the desire. It needs that attraction. It needs the idea that will stem and stymy comparison.

Because we will always compare. We see, always, people who are attractive, desirable—we see this even when we are with someone we love. But there are times in our life, if we are blessed, when we are with someone who is pretty, attractive and desirable. But no matter how pretty, attractive, desirable that person is, no matter who they are—even the “hottest” movie star, there is someone who will be prettier and more attractive. But if the person is that person of joy, they won’t be more ATTRACTING.

It is a fine trick. And maybe it is not a trick but a blessing I have experienced. But one of the most wonderful feelings in the world is walking down the street and seeing a beautiful woman, pretty, put together, maybe even meeting them or maybe even getting noticed by her and thinking: Wow, what a beautiful woman. And having the freedom to do that, being able to make the comparison and fully understanding that the real joy is that even given the reality of that other’s beauty or compelling facade, the joy, the person that I have chosen before, the person I get to be with is where I want to be, who I want to be with and who I love and where the joy is, because it has been found, cultivated and lived.

There is no wishing for someone else. There is not regret. There is no I-could-have-done-better or could have something better. No questions. There are times when we know, there is nothing better. And maybe that blessing does not follow to the point of being the relationship with which I get to live, but at the very least, it is a profound gift to know this about myself, about what I want about what my joy is and where I will not folly because I need not chase a place where joy does not live.

Definition #4: Don’t let envy or feelings of inadequacy rob you of the joy you should experience with the beauty and love in front of you. Count your blessings. We all compare. We make comparisons. That is how we know that things are the same. It is how we know how things are different. It is how we know that we have what we want and need and how we avoid what we don’t want and need to keep out of our lives. It is enough, though, to know that we are enough. We don’t always have the joys we want. We don’t always have enough and there are plenty of things and people in this world who want to thwart us from having enough or thinking that we are enough; plenty of commercials and low-esteem wannabes who remind us of what we don’t have, what we are not. Compare and we will find your joy and know that we’ve found it. But when we find it, let it be our joy. Make it our joy.